I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
