Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
