Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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