This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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