Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
