So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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