Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize