i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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