i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
