You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
