We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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