Too much gin, very little bucket
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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