That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
