please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
