i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
