youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
