How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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