One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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