I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
