she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
