last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
