You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
