i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
