maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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