Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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