He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
