Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
