Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
