I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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