I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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