one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
