You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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