I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
