Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
