Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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