Tell her she can't have a vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
