I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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