Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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