This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
