I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
