uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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