It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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