need another drink. this is the easiest way
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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