Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
