Only a mothe r could love this liver
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
