Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

White coat. Heels.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.

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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov

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(614): View more from Ohio

Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday

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(248): View more from Michigan

Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.

(810): View more from Michigan

Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible

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(206): View more from Washington

I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!

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