How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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