Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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