woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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