wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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