Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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