I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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