I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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