Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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