Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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