So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
