i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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