i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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