So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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