**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
