Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
