Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
is it fun? or sober?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
