genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
